Let Them In, Let It Show: An Open Letter To Those Who Have Helped Me

Dear Kind Teacher/Youth Advisor/Rabbi/Professor/Mentor/Friend/Whatever else I forgot,

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Whether I had one conversation with you or 200,

Whether I trusted you with my whole self or just let you in a little bit,

Whether you offered advice that I decided to take(or not take) or not,

Whether you comforted me when I was afflicted or afflicted me when I was too comfortable,

Some of you knew me through the worst parts of my life so far, and some of you have only met me since I've started to come out the other side. Although there will still always be things I struggle with.

Some of you have watched me grow over many years, and some of you only interacted with me for a few weeks or days or months.

Some of you know me now that I identify as being sick, and some of you only interacted with me pre-diagnosis.

Some of you know/knew me in a professional capacity, others in a personal capacity, some in both.

Some of you I talked to a few hours ago, and some of you I haven't talked to in a number of years.

We've connected over religion, shared favorite texts, poetry, language, movies, and books.

No matter which of these categories you fall into. You have helped me in some way. Sometimes it was a text or email to check in, sometimes it was a slightly mocking joke.

So thank you again.

But it was hard for me to ask for your help. My heart sped up when I waited for your email or text back when I asked to talk or for an extension or apologized for leaving class. My hands shook as i walked up (or down) the stairs to your office or as I waited for the phone to ring.

And this blog post was hard to write. But it's important for two reasons. The first is that too often people who do so much are recognized so little in a world of text messages and facebook posts, and I think it's important to express my gratitude.

The second reason is that vulnerability is scary. But over my almost 21 years on this earth, I have learned that it is important. Open up the broken parts of yourself and trusting others can do everything from improving a hard day to building a relationship to saving a life in an number of ways. Crying in front of someone is terrifying.

We, including myself, spend so much time tying to appear like we "have it all together " But I am here to tell you that no person that you meet actually "has it all together" whatever that means. We all have parts of ourselves that we don't like to talk about, parts that are hard to trust other people with, parts of ourselves that are scary. We all have that in common, no matter how old we are or what kind of family we come from. And we all need help sometimes, even if we feel like we are all grown up.   We are all human, after all. No-one deserves to walk alone.