Friday, March 30, 2018

21 Things I've Learned in 21 Years (Or the last three months)

In no particular order, categorical or otherwise, here are 21 things I've learned:

1. Sometimes it's okay to say, "I can't be here." People are bound to forgive you, and you're doing a good job taking care of yourself.

2. External phone chargers are the best thing on earth. Why didn't you own one before January?

3. It's okay to not educate some days. It's okay to not talk about things that you usually love talking about.

4. Walking out of a room when you feel broken and overwhelmed is not rude or selfish; it's self care.

5. Trusting people is hard but necessary especially when the people you usually talk to are at least an ocean and a 7 hour time difference away from you.

6. You will learn to cook. Slowly. But somedays you will say, hell, I'm making breakfast and dinner today; I'm going to pay for the darn 22 shekel (about $6.50) salad for lunch.

7. If you attend enough Jewish events, you can get a lot of free meals.

8. Anti-itch cream and lactaid are hard to find in Israel(although there is a lot of great goat and sheep cheese). Bring some with you next time. Also ziplock bags(although, if you're looking for those, you can find them in the shuk, supposedly).

9. Public transportation is not nearly as scary as you think it is. Also, smartphones help.

10. You should have listened many years ago when some of your role models told you that tomorrow is a latter day.

11. You will meet people who make your intellectual heart sing. Musicians, talmud scholars, etc. Listen to them and learn from them.

12. Don't be ashamed of taking medicine. Your body needs it.

13. Sweet potatoes are delicious. Why did you choose to stop eating them so many years ago?

14. Don't try to speak another language while you're exhausted. You will not be successful. Instead, you will be standing in the middle of Super Pharm(the Walgreens/CVS of Israel) crying because you can't remember the word for eyeliner.

15. Wine is a great host/hostess gift. Keep a few decent bottles around for that purpose.

16. Sometimes you will be acutely aware of your gender. Acknowledge that, let yourself feel it and move on.

17. Sharing your food will help you connect to people. Also hungry college students seem to like dried pineapple, so keep some of that in your bag.

18. While food does bring people together, so does dietary restrictions. Go figure.

19. Some people will be assholes to you when you talk about being sick. Well meaning assholes are still assholes. You can walk away from them.

20. Throw away the empty Gatorade bottles on your floor. Otherwise, you will in fact trip over them in the middle of the night and end up with bruises on both knees.

21. You are always learning and growing. It's about the journey, not the destination.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Let Them In, Let It Show: An Open Letter To Those Who Have Helped Me

Dear Kind Teacher/Youth Advisor/Rabbi/Professor/Mentor/Friend/Whatever else I forgot,

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Whether I had one conversation with you or 200,

Whether I trusted you with my whole self or just let you in a little bit,

Whether you offered advice that I decided to take(or not take) or not,

Whether you comforted me when I was afflicted or afflicted me when I was too comfortable,

Some of you knew me through the worst parts of my life so far, and some of you have only met me since I've started to come out the other side. Although there will still always be things I struggle with.

Some of you have watched me grow over many years, and some of you only interacted with me for a few weeks or days or months.

Some of you know me now that I identify as being sick, and some of you only interacted with me pre-diagnosis.

Some of you know/knew me in a professional capacity, others in a personal capacity, some in both.

Some of you I talked to a few hours ago, and some of you I haven't talked to in a number of years.

We've connected over religion, shared favorite texts, poetry, language, movies, and books.

No matter which of these categories you fall into. You have helped me in some way. Sometimes it was a text or email to check in, sometimes it was a slightly mocking joke.

So thank you again.

But it was hard for me to ask for your help. My heart sped up when I waited for your email or text back when I asked to talk or for an extension or apologized for leaving class. My hands shook as i walked up (or down) the stairs to your office or as I waited for the phone to ring.

And this blog post was hard to write. But it's important for two reasons. The first is that too often people who do so much are recognized so little in a world of text messages and facebook posts, and I think it's important to express my gratitude.

The second reason is that vulnerability is scary. But over my almost 21 years on this earth, I have learned that it is important. Open up the broken parts of yourself and trusting others can do everything from improving a hard day to building a relationship to saving a life in an number of ways. Crying in front of someone is terrifying.

We, including myself, spend so much time tying to appear like we "have it all together " But I am here to tell you that no person that you meet actually "has it all together" whatever that means. We all have parts of ourselves that we don't like to talk about, parts that are hard to trust other people with, parts of ourselves that are scary. We all have that in common, no matter how old we are or what kind of family we come from. And we all need help sometimes, even if we feel like we are all grown up.   We are all human, after all. No-one deserves to walk alone.