It feels weird to say that I'm missing home tonight because I should consider myself home, and sure, I do. I am sitting on my couch in my childhood house, a place where I have watched full TV shows(as in multiple seasons), had conversations with my best friends, and written hurried essays. But there is some sort of weird nostalgia feeling that I can't quite place. Perhaps it's because it's currently Friday night, Shabbat, and I am sitting here, writing this blog post instead of going to services. Perhaps it's because the longest period of time that I have spent in the last year in this house is less than a month. Sure, much of my stuff and my immediate family are still here, but my friends, my memories, and all of my winter clothing reside in different places.
Last week, I was at camp, emotionally bringing in our last Shabbat of the summer. We sang the songs that had become traditions; we danced like it was our last moment as a community, because in a way it was; we laughed together; we talked late into the night, sitting on the floor eating instant macaroni and cheese. I don't have the proper words to capture my experience this summer. It was religious, but not just that. I learned about myself and about community and about art and so much more that I don't know how to type out. And I miss my campers, my friends, and my mentors so much that I have a hard time not crying when I think about them.
On the flip side, next week, I will be at school for the first Shabbat of the year. I remember my last Shabbat at school in the spring, I was just as emotional as I was at last week's service, so I'm very much looking forward to next week. I'm looking forward to hugging my boyfriend and all of my friends, and leading services with my boyfriend. I'm looking forward to Shabbat dinner as one Brandeis Jewish community. I feel like I'm going back home (something I would have never said a year ago). I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know what home means anymore, and I think I have to be okay with the fact that the word home means ore than one place in my life right now.
