Missing Home: The Shabbat In Between

It feels weird to say that I'm missing home tonight because I should consider myself home, and sure, I do. I am sitting on my couch in my childhood house, a place where I have watched full TV shows(as in multiple seasons), had conversations with my best friends, and written hurried essays. But there is some sort of weird nostalgia feeling that I can't quite place. Perhaps it's because it's currently Friday night, Shabbat, and I am sitting here, writing this blog post instead of going to services. Perhaps it's because the longest period of time that I have spent in the last year in this house is less than a month. Sure, much of my stuff and my immediate family are still here, but my friends, my memories, and all of my winter clothing reside in different places.

Last week, I was at camp, emotionally bringing in our last Shabbat of the summer. We sang the songs that had become traditions; we danced like it was our last moment as a community, because in a way it was; we laughed together; we talked late into the night, sitting on the floor eating instant macaroni and cheese. I don't have the proper words to capture my experience this summer. It was religious, but not just that. I learned about myself and about community and about art and so much more that I don't know how to type out. And I miss my campers, my friends, and my mentors so much that I have a hard time not crying when I think about them.

On the flip side, next week, I will be at school for the first Shabbat of the year. I remember my last Shabbat at school in the spring, I was just as emotional as I was at last week's service, so I'm very much looking forward to next week. I'm looking forward to hugging my boyfriend and all of my friends, and leading services with my boyfriend. I'm looking forward to Shabbat dinner as one Brandeis Jewish community. I feel like I'm going back home (something I would have never said a year ago). I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know what home means anymore, and I think I have to be okay with the fact that the word home means ore than one place in my life right now.

My Intense Love of Reform Judaism Both On Campus and Off

I've been involved in my temple since I was about three years old so I am no newbie to the world of Reform Judaism. I went to Sunday School for many years until I became an aide in a Sunday School classroom and then to the cantor (I helped him lead services). If you want to read more about how much my synagogue means to me, you should read this blogpost. The URJ (Union for Reform Judaism) sponsored my camp where I grew from an awkward, quiet fourth grader into a confident counselor. The URJ brought me my youth group (NFTY-CAR) which helped me make it through my high school years. It gave me the resources to help a friend create a three-day camp and year long partnership program with a school in Waukegan, IL (more on that here). My community has given me so much, and that's the reason that I want to give back to them (More on that in a second).

This weekend is the URJ Biennial which I am not at because of travel craziness and the next biennial being in the city I live in, but I have been watching the lifestream every second that I have not been in classes the last few days. Last night, the incredible Alan Goodis opened with his song Esah Einai, a song that I listened to thousands of times as I fought my way through my freshman year of High school. I couldn't help but tear up as I attempted to write an essay at the same time. This morning, the URJ passed a resolution to make our communities more trans-inclusive, and I was once again on the verge of tears(geez, I'm emotional). I could't be prouder to be a part of this community.

Two days ago, the board of the Reform Organization here on campus attempted to take a yearbook photo. I say attempted because we are perhaps the most dysfunctional family possible. But we are family. I was welcomed into services on the first week of school, and I immediately relaxed after a crazy week of new experiences. Reform Judaism feels like coming home.

So many amazing clergy, educators and friends have contributed to my life, and there is too many to list here. Perhaps I'll write a longer blogpost about just them at some point. It is because of all these amazing people who made Reform Judaism my home that I am on the path to becoming a Rabbi.

In conclusion, there are not enough words that I can write to describe how blessed I am to be a part of the Reform Jewish community. Or at least not words that I can write without crying in the middle of the dining hall. All I can do is thank God and hope that this family will welcome me and allow me to welcome them for now and forever more.